The Importance of Parental Self-Care: Tips from a Family Support Therapist
As a parent, it’s easy to put your needs to the side if you’re raising a child who needs mental health support. Whether they need therapy to deal with harmful thoughts or just someone to talk to, you want to make sure your child gets the support they need to live a full life.
But is there a better way to support your child? At CHADS Coalition, we work closely with parents of children, adolescents, and young adults who need extra help. We got together with one of our therapists to gain insights into how parental self-care and family support go hand-in-hand. She hopes her insights can help you better support yourself and help those you love.
About Our Family Support Therapist Program
At CHADS, we have a team of licensed and provisionally licensed social workers and counselors who can assess their client’s mental health and suicide risk factors. They then craft an individualized treatment plan that helps them achieve mental health goals while referring out for additional treatment as needed.
One of our therapists, Emily Mancuso, MA, PLPC, says self-care should be prioritized while supporting your child. In addition to working with us, Emily is a single mother and knows how stressful it can be to raise a child alone. She also knows what kinds of thoughts prevent parents from seeking self-care and can help you overcome them.
What Does Self-Care for Parents Look Like?
Self-care can feel like something of a buzzword for busy parents, especially if they’re juggling work, school, extracurriculars, and home life. However, taking time for yourself is essential to building the best life for yourself and your child. While it may feel selfish, taking care of your needs can allow you to support others better.
Emily defines self-care as “any action that promotes healing and health in myself AND my family without causing others in the family harm.” Whether that’s some time at a yoga class, a late-night relaxation session, or a quick night out to a concert, you must set aside a little time for yourself.
“Self-care needs to be more about “checking in” than “checking out” both with myself and family,” Emily says. While just about anything can fall under the umbrella of self-care, she advises you to ensure your activities aren’t disruptive to others.
Our Family Therapist, Emily Mancuso with her son.
Why is Parental Self-Care Critical for Supporting Your Child’s Mental Health?
If you’re like most parents, you think of parenting as putting your kid first. However, Emily says this tendency can do more harm than good, even if it seems necessary. Your child needs to know what self-love looks like because they model their behaviors off yours.
Instead of being a buzzword, think of self-care as an essential practice that can help your child better find out who they are as a person. Your self-care is a chance for you to decompress and send a positive message to your child. Once they see how you handle stress and what your best self looks like, they too can grow their resilience and better adopt a positive outlook.
Woman and child giving each other facials.
Recognizing the Need for Self-Care
So, what are some signs that you need to take time for self-care? Emily suggests that if you’re experiencing the following, you might need some time for yourself:
A negative outlook on life
A sense of irritability
Losing touch with yourself/your identity beyond being a “parent”
Moodiness around your kids
Strategies for Parental Self-Care
You could have difficulty knowing where to start if you're new to self-care. Here are some self-care strategies Emily frequently recommends to parents:
Spiritual: Prayer, meditation, and spending time in nature.
Physical: Choosing an exercise that helps you connect with and fosters a positive relationship with your body. Eat healthy but also allow yourself a special treat!
Psychological: Writing in a gratitude journal, participating in sensory experiences such as baking or kneading, and making “to-do” lists.
Social: Finding alone time, starting a once-a-month themed dinner with family, taking breaks off social media
While these activities can provide some welcome relief from your daily grind, Emily says it’s best to incorporate all of these in your schedule if possible. You can also opt for healthy activities that allow you to shift your focus away from others and onto yourself.
How Can Parents Implement Self-Care Practices Without Feeling Guilty?
As a single mother with a child requiring mental health care, Emily knows that it’s easy to feel guilty for taking time for yourself. But she says that self-care isn’t a zero-sum game. Your self-care promotes connection and your ability to make space for others.
She also says that it’s essential for you to remember that children use your behavior as their first blueprint for coping with stress and learning to regulate emotions. Self-care can help you engage more with your child and on a deeper level. Instead of watching them play at a park, you might join in, creating more lasting memories and meaningful interactions.
Self-Care Advice for Parents & Caregivers
Emily ends with a bit of advice for parents and caregivers exploring self-care. She notes that self-care is a space to explore and heal any unresolved emotional wounds you might not be aware of impacting your relationship with your child. To make the most of self-care, you need to give yourself space to explore and breathe.
Woman discussing her feelings.
As a parent, Emily knows how pressed for time you are. But she believes that giving yourself just a half-hour or an hour a day, or around 4 to 8 percent of your time out of 12 available hours, should be a guilt-free gift to yourself. This little investment you make in your happiness could make everyone’s lives better.
Parents and caregivers can also engage in self-care by attending a therapy session to explore their thoughts and emotions and gain tools to navigate them better. At CHADS, we offer therapy sessions for children and resources for their families looking to improve their mental health. Call our warm-line at 314-952-8274 to see how we can help you and your family get the help you need to become your best selves.